Tips Parenting

If your teen has a boy/girlfriend, you must have figured out by now that it is the kiss of death to actually say what you really think about this person.  It is never the right thing.  Either you can't stand the kid because he/she is not nice enough, not smart enough, not polite enough, dresses in a way that makes you crazy, is a suspected drug/alcohol/sex fiend, likes to party too much, gets bad grades, and has a family right out of the sopranos, or he/she is so nice, so polite, so smart,...

I hope everyones break from real life over the last 4 days was a good one. And if not, its over, its Monday and time for a new week. Its only the same old, same old if you let it be that way. Why not see every Monday as a way to start over, a virtual new beginning. Also, check out my new youtube video below just after this posting. My daughter, home for thanksgiving, sat with me and mused about her teenage years (she is now 27), and lessons she can share with you and your teen. Watch it together,...

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There is something about the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  Maybe its the embedded memory of a half day at school and the anticipation of four days of freedom. I know for me its also the anticipation of my favorite meal ever, looking forward to savoring every morsel of turkey and stuffing, and a new recipe for Caramel Apple Pie I saw in today's paper. But what I look forward to most is the minute my beloved daughter walks in the door on Thanksgiving day. There is nothing more special, more...

Another morning, another news story of  hazing  involving high school sports. (towel whipping this time) And a story from another town about football players showing up drunk at a school homecoming dance, and the subsequent cancellation of its annual thanksgiving football game. With five players suspended for drinking, there were too few players to play.You would think that somehow, somewhere these kids would get the message. But honestly, to me it  is no surprise. I'm guessing that...

I just finished reading a must read article for all parents in the New York Times. Here is the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/21/technology/21brain.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=homepage.       READ IT!(after you have read this blog of course) If you have a child, even a young one this is a cautionary tale. If you can get on this technology thing early in the game you have an opportunity to develop a balanced approach to enhancing ones life with technology rather than drowning...

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It's a Friday or a Saturday night, and your teen is getting ready for a night out. You casually but warily ask "so what's your plan for the night?" You've been down this road way too many times before, and can predict the unsatisfying answer. They casually and warily reply, also having gone down this road many times: "Ah,  I think maybe, not really sure, but I dunno, maybe going over to X's house and then maybe walking into town to get ice cream, and well I'm not really sure, but yeah going...

Standing in front of a hundred parents I ask them to shout out adjectives that describe their teen. Surly, disrespectful, mean, sarcastic, argumentative, are a few that top the list. Where is that lovely 8-year-old who can't tell you enough how much he loves you, in fact loves you so much he wants to marry you when he grows up! So much for unrequited love.Here is what's going on. Your teen has now figured out that they are not you! Plain and simple. And to drive that point home, they will find...

I polled my college freshman yesterday asking what they wished their parents had done differently when they were in middle and high school. Of course "stayed out of my business" ranked #1,  but this one was a bit of a surprise. Many said "I wished they had taught me how to manage money". They find themselves now, as college students constantly in a state of monetary crisis. Because of the financial strain of putting a kid through college, many parents rightly let their kids know that if they...

Just like the first frost that appears on our last surviving plants on the deck announcing the end of summer, so do the first fall report cards appear, announcing another kind of reckoning. Parents hoping that this year will be better, easier, their teen another year older and wiser, having learned from last years lessons, open the envelope with trepidation and anticipation. Some glance quickly, scanning for standout grades in either direction, others take their time, each grade at a time, each...

If you have a senior in high school, I am sure that your kid is suffering from this condition and that as their parent you are suffering from the corresponding and complimentary, Parentitis.  Symptoms for Senioritis include, intense procrastination, increased surliness (if that's possible), increased avoidance of parents and home, and rejection of all suggestions of how to complete college applications.Symptoms of Parentitis include high anxiety and sleepless nights, weakened eyesight from...

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When I was thirteen years old, my father died suddenly. My mother, a stay at home mom at the time of his death, (this was 1964) was forced into a life she had not anticipated. My father, a chemist, had run his own medical laboratory, and rather than sell it, my mom stepped up to the plate. Having no experience running a business, and after having only the Shiva week (Jewish ritual of mourning) to grieve the loss of the love of her life, she entered the fray of working mother and business owner.Needless...

You don't need a law to tell you that texting while driving is hazardous to your health. But some people need a little push, and knowing that Big Brother is watching ready to hand out a ticket and a fine may be the motivation they need to stow away the phone.Unfortunately since teens lead with their heart and not their brain, their worry about missing some really really really important tidbit of news overrides any worry about Big Brother or more importantly deadly car accidents. To counter this,...

I opened the Boston Globe this morning to a front page story headline, "Girls accused of hazing suspended from soccer game."The story describes this suburban town's high school girls varsity soccer team tradition of initiating and welcoming the freshman girls by having the senior girls lead them around the soccer field blindfolded on a dog leash, and ending with some sort of whipped pie in the face. The uproar in the town seems to be less about the hazing and more that the team lost the regional...

I love the parent who told me this story. She and her husband are involved and engaged parents of three children, all teens. The moral of this particular story is that good kids of good parents from good communities do stupid things. So for parents who think, not my kid, not my kid's friends, this is for you.These parents host a sleepover for five 12-year-old boys. Already she is a saint in my book. She and her husband stay up as long as humanly possible given how exhausted they are, go off to...

I went to a funeral on Saturday. This might sound weird, but I actually like funerals. This particular man who's life was being celebrated and memorialized was an amazing person. As I listened and cried hearing all the special stories that made this guy who he was, I left with a number of lessons about life that I know was his legacy to us all.I knew Joe as the father of one of my daughter's childhood friends, though I hadn't seen him for almost 14 years. Because my daughter had spent a good deal...

Yesterday I showed a documentary to my Child Development class called "I Am Promise" about an urban elementary school in Philadelphia. It was not one of those uplifting, inspirational, lifting oneself out of poverty kind of films. It was a peek through your fingers, is the world really like this, thank god I don't live there kind of movie. It was full of graffiti splashed abandoned buildings, crack heads on the corners, indifferent and abusive parents, and overwhelmed and overworked teachers on...

The post Halloween party blues and reviews are starting to trickle in, and candy is not all that's getting served up at teen Halloween parties this year. What is a parent to do?  Brave parents step up to the plate, offer their home for a party hoping to keep their teen and 40 of their closest friends away from TPeeing the local park(toilet papering for those who have never indulged), or egging passing cars. They follow all the expert's advice by inviting other parents over to share the supervision,...

I have had a rash of calls over the last week from parents of 9th grade boys. It seems there is an epidemic of weekend lethargy, which includes social isolation, empty friend syndrome, and video game overdose. Here is my diagnosis. Being a 9th grade boy is the lowest of the low in low high school land. The loss of social status is huge. While 9th girls enjoy being the youngest, newest, and therefore "easiest" girls to conquest for the older guys, the 9th grade boys have become obsolete in...

Story 1:This past Sunday, The Boston Globe's front page story was titled "An Epidemic Of Anxiety". It recounted the tale of a high school girl egged on by a boy she had a crush on to send him a topless picture of herself using her cell phone. Because she thought this might seal the deal and possibly help bring the two of them together, she complied and sent him the topless photo. Needless to say, the boy was not interested in her boobs really, but this ploy had been orchestrated by a group of bitchy...